The Ballad of the Immigrant Trump Supporter (And The Crazy Lady Who Wants Him Deported)

The Ballad of the Immigrant Trump Supporter (And The Crazy Lady Who Wants Him Deported)

A Nigerian guy works at the gas station near me.
I go to his store every Wednesday
For lottery tickets and beer.
Once, he gave me an extra dollar in change,
And I gave it back,
So we became friends.

He has lived here for seventeen years,
And been an American citizen for two.
One time last Summer,
I wore a Bernie shirt,
And he wore a Trump hat,
So we started talking.

I asked him, as an African immigrant,
How could he support the things Trump does?
He said he doesn’t care if Trump is racist,
Because everyone in America is racist.
America is about winning,
And Donald Trump is a winner.

He told me Bernie would never beat Hillary,
Because Hillary would cheat.
And Hillary would never beat Trump,
Because our country would never vote for a woman.
But Trump would make America great,
Because he is a great businessman.

We talked for about 30 seconds every week.
Not enough time to get too involved,
Which is probably the best way to talk politics with a friend.
He says, “Good luck, Buddy”
As he hands me my ticket,
And I say he’ll get a million if I win.

Tonight,
As I entered the store,
My friend was engaged in a loud conversation,
With some crazy lady.
I noticed that she was standing in the door,
Letting all the warm air out.

“You need to show me some respect!”
The cashier is yelling back.
“You need to show me some respect!”
They both yell at the same time.
“You need to show me some respect!”
As if that was a convincing argument.

I stand in line,
Next behind some guy with a Bulls hat,
And this loud, obnoxious lady,
Who says he can’t talk to her “like that.”
She kept pointing at the ground,
And staring up at the roof when she spoke.

She told him to “go back to his country,”
And that he didn’t belong in ours.
She screamed “they’re making laws to find you,
And you’ll be deported with the rest of them.”
She said he didn’t deserve to be here,
And he “stole his job from an American.”

She looked at me,
Probably because I was the only other white person there.
She pointed at me,
As she finally closed the door,
And said “that is why good Americans like us voted for Trump,
To get rid of people like you.”

I bought my ticket and asked him what happened.
He said the lady was standing by the counter,
Asking every customer for a dollar,
So she could buy a box of Swiss Cake Rolls.
He told her to leave,
And then she went nuts.

She had a car,
And paid for a lighter with change.
She had just bought twenty dollars in gas.
She looked like an average person,
With an ACC Tournament sweatshirt,
And an old denim fanny pack.

I wonder if,
When that lady tells this story,
The illegal African immigrant,
Who was stealing jobs from Americans
And doesn’t belong in our country,
Becomes the crazy one.

How Trump Could Better Spend $54 Billion Dollars

President Trump wants to increase our defense budget by $54 billion. I think we could probably use the money in other ways.

Boom. Under budget at $53.46b.

So, we have two options:

  • Add a marginal amount to our already massive defense budget and (likely) give Trump’s friends a bunch of fat government contracts to build more things we already have and may not need.
  • Or, we could fix the VA, double mental health benefits for veterans, save the city of Chicago from their own “carnage,” end homelessness in America, get closer to becoming energy independent, fight substance abuse, fix all our dams, improve the lives of our veterans, and save our education system.

You’d think a businessman would know how to stretch a dollar. No wonder he keeps going bankrupt.

Queue the awesome scene from the movie “Dave.”

*Pencil Drop*

Presidential Inauguration Poem for Donald J. Trump

When I found out President-elect Trump did not have a poet laureate for his inauguration today, I thought it would be nice to write a poem for him. I really wanted to capture the true Trump creative spirit, so I copied lines from the first five inauguration poems and put them together into one poem. I hope you enjoy!

“Things I’ve Said Before, And Will Say Again.”
by Ryan Mentock (with help from some real poets)

We walk into that which we cannot yet see.
But where are we going to be, and why, and who?
All of us as vital as the one light we move through
To keep on going where we meant to go.

Say it plain: that many have died for this day.
We know what we have done and what we have said,
But seek no haven in my shadow,
If we can truly remember, they will not forget.

Believing ourselves toward all we have tried to become
Something we were withholding made us weak
The “I have a dream” we keep dreaming
Cannot become one people falling apart.
Cannot let chaos make its way to the heart.

I will give you no hiding place down here.
We mean to be the people we meant to be,
Until we found out that it was ourselves
Facedown in ignorance.

All about us is noise.
Any broad alarm of their hastening doom
Someone is trying to make music somewhere,
The great and all the anonymous dead are there.

I know there’s something better down the road.
We like the places they take us. Mostly we do.
Such as she was, such as she would become.
Any thing can be made, any sentence begun.
What if the mightiest word is love?

KEY:

Black Text – “Praise Song for the Day” by Elizabeth Alexander
Green Text“On the Pulse of Morning, by Maya Angelou
Purple Text – “One Today” by Richard Blanco
Blue Text“Of History and Hope” by Miller Williams
Red Text“The Gift Outright” by Robert Frost

One thing that I noticed while reading these poems was that “Of History and Hope” by Miller Williams is incredible and everyone should read it twice. Thanks for reading!

Play Ball

On paper, we’ve got the best roster in the league. Talented players at every position, with a good mix of solid veterans and young prospects. We’ve won a lot over the years, but staying great every season means constantly challenging ourselves to be great again. The title is always ours to lose.

Of course, it’s not going to be that easy this time. Our lovable coach is retiring and left the team with limited options available to replace him. Both of the possible new coaches have some serious problems and the locker room is divided on which one we should choose. Regardless of which one is hired, half of our team won’t like their new coach. This season is going to be tough.

The reporters say we’re a team in turmoil, struggling to meet our own high expectations and trying to avoid breaking down completely. They don’t care about the new coach – they just want the players to create a headline. They set us up against each other and wait for the fireworks. Sometimes, we fall for it. But we’re better than that.

We can deal with this because we’re still a damn good team. The coaches can draw up plays and try to tell us what to do, but we’re the ones on the field, playing the game. Even if the coaches are terrible, we’re an extremely talented group of players. We can overcome any differences we have with the coaching staff and still play like a great team. We decide the outcome of the game.

We’re still on this team together, whether we like the coach or not.

Let’s play ball.

#Election2016 #PlayBall